A quick Google search of Mother Guilt and you’ll soon feel
guilty about feeling it.
Sure, you could read “31 Reasons You Shouldn’t Feel Mom
Guilt” or “5 New-Mom Guilt Cures” and feel bad about feeling guilty and vow
you’re going to squash those guilty feelings once and for all but I’ve never found
it a good idea to deny feelings - especially not feelings that seem to be
intuitive and come from somewhere deep within me.
I’ve never ignored my mother guilt. That doesn’t mean I
always surrender to it either. The thing
is, I think mother guilt is natures’ way of saying "Hang-on, you’ve got a
responsibility here to another human being that’s very important. Your child is
completely dependent on you. Are you meeting that responsibility?"
When I feel guilty, I take it as an opportunity to stop and
really reflect on what’s going on - to look at the situation rationally through
my eyes and through the eyes of my children. I look at it as a kind of warning
light, like the kind you find on the dashboard in your car. Sometimes those
lights mean you need to fix something fast because something’s wrong. Sometimes
they’re faulty or hyper-sensitive and go off for the wrong reasons. But I’d
never ignore them. I’ll always check my car out if a light goes on.
So, when my guilt light goes on, I’ll stop and look at
what’s going on. I’ll try to analyse why I feel guilty and whether my feelings
are warranted. I’ll look at my needs in the situation and my kids’ needs in the
situation and try to work out if I really am making the right decision. I’ll
often talk it over with people I trust and whose opinion I value.
I find working through situations like this will mean that
next time I go through the same situation, I actually don’t feel guilty at all
because I’ve processed what I felt guilty about and realized the feelings are
unwarranted. Pushing the guilt away and telling yourself you don’t need to feel
it doesn’t seem to do this. If the feeling comes back in the same situation,
it’s time to reflect again.
This parenting game is hard and it’s often difficult to
manage your own emotional needs while meeting those of your children. I think it’s
actually a good thing that nature has given us a little warning light to keep
our focus where it needs to be, especially when life gets hectic and busy.
