Toys for Baby

I am lucky enough to be god-mother to a gorgeous ten month old little girl and looking after her always gets me thinking about how important play is for babies. Just the simplest toy or item from around the home provides an opportunity for learning, skill development, exploration and experimentation.

I have a bunch of baby toys still in Ed's cupboard. I have got rid of quite a few, but there are some that both the kids enjoyed so much (and still do on occasion) that I haven't been able to part with them. And it's a good thing too given that I still regularly have a baby in the house.

The wonderful thing about babies is that they'll play with just about anything you give them. Everything is new and wonderful, so chances are they'll pick it up, have a shake and a good look, put it in their mouth and move it around a bit. If they like it or are interested, they'll hold on to it for a while and have a bit of a think about what else they can do with it, if they don't, they'll put it down and move onto the next thing.

I've learnt a few tricks over the years about engaging babies in play and I thought I'd share some of the things I bear in mind when I'm getting toys together for my god-daughter. Here is a photo of the group of toys I gave her last time she was here.



Tip 1. Don't give a baby too many toys.
They get overwhelmed really easily and I always found that giving my babies a lot of toys would mean they spent less time exploring each toy individually and would randomly move from one toy onto the next. A few specially chosen toys at a time is a much better option.

Tip 2. Include toys that they can explore and experiment with.
The stacking cups and ball you can see in the picture are loved by every baby who comes into contact with them. The ball is easy to hold and chew, can be thrown or rolled and babies are intrigued by the multitude of holes and ways it can be held. The stacking cups can be used lots of different ways too and it's great to include a dummy or smaller (baby safe) toy that can be put inside the cups.

Tip 3. Always include a book and a furry friend.
Books for babies are wonderful. They learn very quickly how to turn pages and hold the book the right way up so that the pictures can be seen properly. I have taught a few children in my time who can't handle a book correctly at aged 4, it's something that comes with exposure and practice and I personally don't think kids are ever too young to start.

Soft toys are fantastic for developing motor skills and eye hand co-ordination. Babies also love to sit and babble to their furry friends which is great for early language development. Soft toys can also be very reassuring for a baby who is getting used to sitting by themselves to play with mummy just out of view.

Tip 4. Put everything into a baby-safe container.
This creates an activity in itself as baby takes each item out and then puts some back in. Some babies will really enjoy including a lid that can be taken off and put back on. You can see in the picture I've used a small plastic storage container, but empty shoe boxes and large metal mixing bowls work just as well.

Tip 5. Include some items from around the home.
Babies are drawn to everyday items. I think it's natures' way of getting them to learn about the environment they live in. They have an intrinsic desire to seek out items, explore them and find out how they work. It's a beautiful thing. You can see I've made some shakers using grains and soft drink bottles, put some crinkled up catalogue paper into a knee hi stocking and thrown in some empty plastic fruit and yoghurt container. It's not surprising that these were my girl's favourite toys!

It's REALLY REALLY important to note however, that everyday items have not undergone the stringent safety testing that baby toys have (obviously, I know, but it needs to be said!) Babies should always be supervised when they're being given something for the first time and the item should be continually checked for wear and tear and possible safety hazards. Never give a baby anything that is small enough to fit into a film canister and always listen to you inner voice - if you have the slightest doubt about something, take it away.

Not Listening!

Ed has been going through a very challenging phase over the last month or so. In my humble opinion, whoever coined the phrase "terrible twos" was yet to parent a three year old.

What I personally find difficult with head-strong, independent, opinionated yet emotionally immature and irrational three year olds is the fact that it is so hard to get them to listen and co-operate.

My teacher training and years of early-childhood experience have been heavily drawn upon in the last few weeks as I've reflected on our daily lives and routines, re-visited my knowledge about what is developmentally appropriate for this age and gone over what I know about managing behaviour.

I've used a bunch of different strategies to get me through and I finally feel like we're over the worst of it and heading into a new phase.

There's no denying that as children change and grow, they go through difficult stages where, as they re-negotiate their position in the world, they challenge boundaries and test their limits. It's perfectly natural and is to be expected, but I really believe there are things we can do as a parent to make these times a little easier for everyone involved.

Here are some of the strategies I've adopted to encourage Ed to listen and co-operate a little better:

1. Trying to get to the root of his misbehaviour - I read a great book while I was studying called "Understanding Children" by Jeanette Harrison. I've taken a lot from it, but the biggest thing that I've found helpful with both my kids is understanding that children have a motivation for their misbehaviour. It's almost always happening for a reason. When I reflected on Ed not listening and co-operating when I wanted him to, I came to the conclusion that a big reason for him being difficult is the fact that he probably feels a little powerless in his day-to-day life and so he excerpts his power and tries to regain control by defying what he is being asked to do.

So, my first step was to:

2. Give him some choices and decisions that make him feel a little more in control - simple things like letting him choose his clothes, get himself dressed, set the table, choose what flavour juice we buy, where we go in our spare time, choose a meal we have for dinner. All the choices and decisions that are really quite irrelevant when it all boils down, but can mean a lot to a three year old.

Then I:

3. Looked at our weekly schedule - the poor little thing gets dragged to two different playgroups that I run, plus school pick up and drop off every day, plus grocery shopping and errand running. He gets shipped off in the car way more than his sister ever did and it's a lot to cope with when all you want to do is stay home and play with your cars and trains.

So I:

4. Re-organised things so he wouldn't be pulled around so much - my mum came over from Adelaide for a week and stayed with him so he could have a little rest and then I've organised some play dates for him to go on when I work so he's not being dragged along there when he's tired. The school pick up he just has to wear, but I've also tried to organise a few more days at home, just while he's going through this phase.

That means we can:

5. Have a little fun together - by setting up play experiences for him and having times when we laugh together, it's not all nag, nag, nag. He feels valued and important and that way when I ask him to do things, he's in a better mood and more likely to be receptive.

It also means he can:

6. Sleep, sleep , sleep - sleep breeds sleep and he just wasn't getting enough which meant he was getting less rest than he needed and he was tired and cranky. We all know how hard it is to be open and receptive to what people want when we are sleep deprived.

All these things help to limit the behaviour, but I also have a few little tricks up my sleeve for when it still presents itself.

7. Consequences - I use these all the time. It's great if the consequences occur naturally, but if they don't, a logical consequence can be really effective eg. "If you use that as a weapon, I'll have to take it away from you so your sister doesn't get hurt", or "If you are going to run away from me, I'll have to hold your hand, because it's not safe" or "Stand up so I can wash you or I'll have to just get you out of the bath". The consequences should always relate directly to what is going on and I think it's good to ask for what you want a few times before you offer a consequence, that way the child has the opportunity to do what you want without the consequence looming.

8. The timer - for some reason both my kids listen to the timer way more than they listen to me. I guess you just can't argue with an electronic timing device connected to the oven. So, I use it mostly when I want them to change what they're doing and move onto a new part of the routine eg. "When the timer goes, it's time for a bath" or "I'm going to put the timer on for ten minutes, then it's bed time". It works a treat.

9. Breaking tasks down - Ed has trouble coping with more than one to two instructions at a time - as do most children his age. This also means that it's hard for him to break down and attempt tasks on his own. He's finally mastered getting dressed, but I still sometimes need to break it down for him when he's having a bad day. So, instead of saying "It's time to get dressed", I'll say "It's time to get your pants on", then move through each item of clothing until he's done. Similarly instead of asking him to tidy up his room, I'll ask him to put his cars away, then his trains, etc.

10. Some things I don't ask ... - I learnt very early in my teaching career, there are some things you don't ask. It leaves too much opportunity for the answer to be 'no'. So if I really want something done, i don't ask, I assume it will happen eg instead of "Shall we go now?", I'll say "It's time to go" and take his hand.



A very long post I know, but it actually feels good to get this off my chest. It's been a long month, but there's finally some light at the end of the tunnel. Who knew this parenting caper would be such hard work....??

Finishing Off My Week With Ed

My week of setting up activities for Ed ended with some racetracks and some art work.

On Thursday we got out one of my husband's old Hot Wheels racetracks for Ed to play with. I took a few minutes to put it all together and he played with it for a couple of hours. The great thing about where he is at at the moment is he loves to add to things I set up. He is constantly thinking about what he can add to what he's doing. This is why it's great to have a whole range of toys accessible to children from about 2 years and up, particularly toys and accessories that are open-ended and stimulate imagination, curiosity and exploration.

On Friday we were watercolour painting. This is one of my favourite types of painting for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it involves a lot of thinking. To get a good result, the brush needs to be washed in water before it's put into another colour. The brush also needs to move around on the colour chosen for a little while in order for the water to mix with the paint. This means it can take a little bit of time and thought, instead of instant result being achieved like when arcrylic paints are used. It's also great for younger children like Ed too, though, because it almost always leads to a sponatneous exploration of colour mixing, which is something Ed really enjoyed on Friday.



Lastly, it is super easy to clean up and doesn't stain anything it gets on, which is a huge plus in my book. You can see in the photo, I use a really old sheet to protect the table and recycled yoghurt and fruit containers to hold the water in. Only one brush is used and this is really easy to wash out and the paints can be rinsed under water if the colours get too mixed up. Because it's so easy to clean up, I even let my kids do it indoors, although I wouldn't recommend this for first timers!

Drawing on Wednesday

Ed and I were out all day yesterday, catching up with friends, and so play needed to wait untl well after school. But, determined to follow through on my quest to set up a play experience for Ed everyday this week, I got a few things out just as I was about to prepare dinner.

Our dining room adjoins our kitchen, so the kids love to set up something for themselves to do at the dining room table while I cook. They can be busy and I can be busy, but we can still talk to each other and be together.

Last night I got some paper and crayons out for Ed and some transport stencils I bought from the supermarket. He has used these stencils before and really enjoys them, but he usually uses textas.I thought I would make the experience slightly different this time by adding crayons instead. Changing drawing implements like this allows your child to use difefrent skills. They need to hold the implement differently, apply different amounts of pressure and renegoiate a task that they are familiar with. These things work fine motor skills and cognitive skills.

While I was getting things organised last night, I discovered an extra bonus of my quest to set things up for Ed this week. It's something that I hadn't really reflected on, but is probably the most developmentally beneficial learning point of all. As I said to Ed, "I'm going to set something up for you to do, come and sit up here", his face lit up with excitement and his sister moaned "Oh, can you set something up for me too?"

As I got them both set up and made my way to the kitchen to start preparing dinner, I replayed what had just happened over in my head and realised how affirming it is for the kids when I take the time to set something up for them. It sends such a powerful message of "I value you, you are important to me and I want you to grow and develop and pursue your interests and creativity". What a wonderful boost to their self-esteem.

What we did on Tuesday

I'm committed to setting up a play experience for Ed everyday this week and I have to admit, yesterday was a real challenge. I work on Monday and Tuesday morning at the local community centre where I run a couple of play-based kid's activity groups. Ed comes along to both of these groups and so by Tuesday afternoon, we are both exhausted.

He put himself to bed as soon as we got home and slept for 2 hours before we had to rush off to get Em from school. After school, we headed off to the library to get some more car and truck books (I can't believe he's not sick of them yet - we keep getting the same ones!!) and then home to make dinner and have a bath.

I decided to squeeze his activity into bath time. There are so many lovely activities you can set up in the bath and most children just love playing with water - it is one of Ed's favourite things to.

I collected up a bunch of plastic containers big and small as well as some disposable plastic plates I had left over from birthday parties. I then got together some plastic animals of varying shapes and sizes. I just put them on the edge of the bath and left the kids to work out what they wanted to do.

Of course, Ed complained that there weren't any cars, but he was happy to just play with the animals for a change. I sat for a while and we talked about sinking and floating and how many animals could fit in the container. We explored concepts of heavy and light, sinking and floating, in and out and large and small, by just letting the kids experiment while we talked about what they were doing. When the experimentation was over, Em and Ed created their own imaginative play game where the animals would travel in their boats to get to an island. The big animals were the 'Mummies" and the small animals were the 'Babies'. Here, they were working on their social skills and developing their self-esteem and sense of self. There is so much learning and developing to be had in imaginative play games and the wonderful thing about siblings is that they learn so much from each other (with a little help from mum of course!).

The Second Time Around

I've been feeling a little guilty lately that I don't seem to take the time to set up the activities for Ed that I did for Em when she was his age. I'm a lot busier these days with work, writing, school and a lot more play dates than when I was a lonely mother of one, yet to enter the wonderful social world of Kinder and school. But I'm being a bit tough on myself because play is important and it really matters, so this week, I'm committed to setting up something for Ed to do everyday.

He does play everyday now, but a lot of the time it's initiated by him. With Em, i would set up things that would stimulate her interest, imagination and curiosity. Sometimes I feel like my boy doesn't get the same opportunities. So, I've said 'no' to lots of things this week, and we have some home time planned.

I work on Mondays and Tuesdays, so I will have to have pretty basic activities for the first two days of the week, but sometimes it doesn't take much to set up something exciting.

Today, I went with water play. It's a lovely sunny day here in Melbourne, so I got a plastic basin full of water and put it onto a child-sized table on the deck. We added some plastic cars, toothbrushes, facewashers,a water wheel and a cup - and hey presto! we had an instant car wash. Lots of learning and fun for very little time.

Birthday Traditions

I've read many articles over the years about the importance of establishing family traditions. They have huge developmental benefits by giving children a sense of belonging and adding to self esteem. They also help to create a sense of family unity and culture. My husband and I have created a few traditions over the years as well as carrying on some from our own families.

My little girl celebrated her sixth birthday on Saturday and it really brought home to me just how important traditions can be and for the first time, I could see how kids benefit form them with my own eyes. Em is old enough now to remember birthdays that have been and gone, and given the fact that Ed had his birthday back in June, Em was able to remember a lot of the things we did for him and she was really excited that it was her turn this time.

I was quite surprised actually at what these little traditions meant to her and she was so keen and eager to be a part of them. It added to her excitement and she had a strong sense of feeling special and being a part of something bigger. It was a really lovely weekend for our family.

We don't do anything major, but these were the things Em was really looking forward to and couldn't wait to be a part of.

Some of our "Butler Family Birthday Traditions":
- Choosing a birthday cake - Growing up, whenever a birthday would roll around, mum would always let us look through her "Women's Weekly" birthday cake book and choose the cake we wanted. It didn't matter how difficult it was, mum would always have a go. I remember loving this as a child. It really did make me feel special and I loved knowing that mum would happily make whatever cake we wanted, just to make our day as special as she could. I've tried to do the same for my kids and my sister does it for her kids too.

- Presents on the coffee table - I didn't really mean for this to become a tradition, but it has taken on a bit of a life of it's own. The night before each child's birthday, I'll wrap the presents and collect up any that have come from family interstate. They all go onto the coffee table for excited little ones to find first thing in the morning. It comes with a very strict "look but don't touch" rule, which has worked well for us so far.

- "The last day I'm 5" - the night before the birthday, I take a photo of the children on the last day before they turn a year older. I always have a little chat to them about what has happened through the year just gone and encourage them to reflect on what they've enjoyed. I record this in a little notebook I've had since they were young.

- The Birthday interview - folowing on from that, since Em's fourth birthday, I've asked her some interview questions and written down her answers. I think she will enjoy looking back on them as she gets older and she can see how she is growing and changing. They're pretty simple questions like - Your favourite food, colour, friends, toys, but I may make them a little more involved as she gets bigger. I think self-reflection is such a lovely thing to nurture.

- Family time - whether we have a party or not, we always spend some time together as a family on the weekend before or after the birthday and try to have a special outing. In the past few years, we've taken Em to the Melbourne show but this year we went bowling.

- Birthday dinner - Again, regardless of what else has gone on, we always have a family dinner on Birthday night and the person who is celebrating gets to choose exactly what we have. This is always followed up by a cake, which means I am often stuck making two cakes for one birthday, but looking at that little smile as she blows out the candles, surrounded by the people who love her makes it all worth it!!

What birthday traditions do you have in your family? I would love to hear about them.